OK, Terps.  There’s a storm comin’ to town this weekend.  It could be the biggest storm of your lives.  Eastern Michigan, son.  You think you’re ready for them?  Great, because that makes one of us.

As you make your final after-party plans game preparations, I think you boys need to ask yourselves one question. Are you sure you can find the magic again this week? That would mean playing well two weeks in a row. Eastern Michigan is from the MAC, you know. If you change the M to an S, and the A to U, and the C to an NBELT, you know what you’ve got? Middle Tennessee State. Both school names indicate the region of the state where the university is located. What else is there to say? What? But in addition to all this, you insist on saying that Eastern Michigan isn’t very good. And their quarterback’s injured. I remember a team that had an “injured” quarterback once. That team’s name? The New England Patriots. Nope! Don’t want to hear it.  Okay? I’m resting my case. Your witness.

Oh wait, Chris Turner, did you have a question? Oh, you say Maryland stepped up and beat Cal. Well, la di freakin da! I’m gonna put the Riunite on ice, that’s so nice! They stepped up against Cal. A “ranked opponent.” I’m inspired. I’m gonna name my firstborn child Maryland Was Awesome Against Cal, and I’ll get the whole thing bronzed for your mantel, and I’ll send it over with two Cambodian girls who think the Emerald Bowl requires a weekly swab with rubbing alcohol. Would you like that, MY LIEGE?

So go right ahead if you must…keep on looking ahead to Clemson. Ignore the warning signs. Great job. I’ll just be over here clapping sarcastically on the sidelines. What makes it sarcastic is the slowness.