Dude. Go way.  Tryin to sleep.  Dude!  Okay.  All right.  I’m awake.  Stop it!   I’m awake already!   Jackanapes.  Yeah, that’s right…you’re a jackanapes.  You know, you really didn’t have to poke me with the ruler.  I found that excessive, if we can be honest with each other.  Oh, and lookie here!   You seem to have stapled my sleeve to the chair.  What a masterstroke. Very cute, sir.  Is that what they’re teaching the students now down at Gudger College?

So did you want something?  Is there something I can do for you that will expedite your egress from my cubicle here so that I can get back to my delightful nap in the sunny spot of the all-weather carpeting?   What?   It’s JULY 24?!?!?   Boy howdy. Time really flies in the summertime, does it not?  For Pete’s sake, I’m still wearing my stars-and-stripes undies.   What’s that you say?  Almost time for Maryland to start up their football training camp!?!?!? 

Well, looks like it’s time for me to put down the rum funnel and get back to business, huh? And to think, I’ve frittered away the summer napping and quaffing mai tais. Or working too much and caring for a baby. Either way. Six of one.

Camp starts the first week of August, and they open their season Sept. 5 on the road against their bitches California.

Anyone interested in position battles? Great, me neither! Although there should be some good ones, given that approximately 528 seniors departed last year. Might be some pitched battles on the, uh, pitch there.  Huzzah! Fresh blood!  Time for the young guys to shine!  Torrey Smith!  And so on.

The Terps are picked by just about everyone as last or second-to-last in the ACC’s Atlantic Division.  Geez…it’s like they don’t even know Torrey Smith is on the team.  Hey, thank Gosh for Boston College, right? Am I right?  Yeah, they’re gonna suck.  Which means we’ll lose to them 31-0.  Whatevs.   I’m sure we’ll beat Miami or something else crazy to make up for it.

We’ll do more position stuff as the camps get underway.  The machine is up and running now, baby.  You can’t get this toothpaste back in the tube.  And of course, we’ll provide our guest previews and unique brand of hurl-the-beer-can-at-the-TV commentary.  Hope you’ll stay with us. It’ll be fun. Even if the Terps suck. Maybe especially if the Terps suck.