So “Fear the Turtle” is kaput as the official university slogan. And I completely understand. Why not scrap a fun and innovative slogan that everyone associates with your university? You Google it and the first nine links are to Maryland stuff, including a Fear The Turtle sculpture project. Imagine the crestfallen looks on all those little sculptors’ faces. Unacceptable. Did no one think of the sculptors? Where are our elected “leaders” when you need them? We need to remove the veil from our eyes here, unless we want to saddle our young people with a wasteland of moldering kilns and traditional botanical gardens. A dark picture.

In any case, here’s a little help for whomever has that itchy trigger finger in the university marketing office. Yes, it’s the obligatory “blogger makes wacky alternate suggestions” post.

– Maryland is for Faggots
– The Jewel of Prince George’s County
– Terperus: The 13th Labor
– Where We Remain Satisfied With Our Recruiting Efforts, Thanks
– Presented by Under Armour
– One Person. Two Tuitions.
– Winning the Race (my “real” suggestion)
– Hey. You Like Lacrosse?
– Where Passion Burns Like So Many Secondhand Couches
– Our Coaches Will Whoop Your Coaches In a Pie-Eating Contest
– Maryland. Because Fu*k Duke, That’s Why.
– Me Like Beer