What’s up, Lance. Man Child. Born Ready. Big game tonight against the Terps.

What’s wrong, buddy? You look a little out of it.  Did you accidentally sit on a pea during your plane ride?  Did Slam not send the right photographer?  Did Cincinnati’s check not clear?

It’s so hard being a star. Regular people, they just don’t understand.  They don’t know what it’s like to have this talent.  The expectations.  The burdens that you carry.  Because you’ve got all the tools. 

All the tools, that is, except maybe one:  the one between your ears.

Oh, yeah, that’s right.  I said it.  And you heard me.  Got nothing to say?  Cat got your tongue?  Oh, wait, no. Your coach put a gag order on you, saying he was “worried about our guys focusing on basketball and academics and not being distracted.”

What?  Distraction?  Unbelievable.  That’s no way to treat Born Distraction, er, Ready.  So I guess you’ll just have to let your actions do the talking. After all, you don’t have time to talk to every reporter who wants a quote, or every girl you want to sex up.  Talking just wastes the sexy time.  Believe me, they’ll get the message!

It’s not about talk anyway.  It’s about team.  Just like with the team’s previous point guard, Rashad what’s-his-name.  Oh, right Bishop. He got bumped so you could play.  That’s what I like to call building bridges.  Want me to call Slam so you can talk a little more about your selflessness?  

In the meantime, unfortunately for you it looks like your stats aren’t bearing out the decision.  I was going to go look up your numbers on the Cincinnati Web site, but they still have the 2008-2009 data on there.  Great job, Bearcats. Web sites aren’t so important anyway. It’s just the nerds what read them and shit. So anyway, I’ll just have to calculate your stats the old-fashioned way: ESPN.  Looks like you’re averaging 10 points on 36 percent shooting to go with 4 rebounds and 1 assist. That’s good, but not “this was definitely worth undermining the incumbent” good.

And you know what? You’re not even gonna hit those averages tonight. Maryland’s offense may not be starting off gangbusters, but their D sure as hell is. It’s gonna be Vasquez and Sugar Sean on you all night. Maybe a little Bowie an Hayes for good measure. They’re gonna shut you down, Lance. I repeat. Shut. You. Down. Vasquez is crazier than you are by a Caracas mile. You’re not getting past him, buddy.

So mark it down, Lance.  Alert the media.   Born Ready’s gonna get put to sleep tonight.