/Brings out Dickie V computer-generated language extruder — he’s been dead for 20 years, you know — and presses play:
Yeesssss, time once again to reveal my Dickie V All-Solid Gold Team, baby! It’s awesome, baby! It’s amazing to see so many awesome young guys contributing. In such a positive way. It’s awesome, baby!
Why did these players make my All-Solid Gold Team? Three words: super, scintillating, sensational. They’re PTPers, baby! High risers! The creme de la creme. Numero uno in college basketball. The best of the best. Solid. Gold. Hey! Hey! My first team has seven guys on it! We’re playing in the Dickie V league! Seven on super scintillating seven! I love these guys! It’s awesome, baby! Hey! Hey! Is that a car? I’m gonna chase it, baby! Where’s it going? It’s unbelievable!
/hurriedly stops Dickie V computer program
So here’s his first team:
ALL-SOLID GOLD FIRST TEAM
John Wall, Kentucky
Jon Scheyer, Duke
Greivis Vasquez, Maryland
Scottie Reynolds, Villanova
DeMarcus Cousins, Kentucky
Evan Turner, Ohio State
Wes Johnson, Syracuse
Dickie V’s analysis: “Jon Scheyer and Greivis Vasquez have been the premier PTPers in the ACC.” Yes. Scheyer over James Anderson, huh? Wow. It’s almost as if Dickie V — now stay with me — wants to find reasons to praise Duke. I’m just throwing it out there. It’s like a, a, what’s the word I’m looking for, BIAS. It is almost as if he is biased.
But in any case, with this honor the Greivis Vasquez trophy case is now officially closed. I look forward to seeing the All-Solid Gold Dickie V Head next year at Comcast Center.
