There is a growing opinion (mainly among myself) that the full-court press in general — and Maryland’s in particular — is becoming a bit of a relic.  Following its Kentucky and UNLV heyday in the mid 80s to early 90s, the number of teams heavily using the traditional full-court trap seems to have greatly diminished. This is perhaps due in no small part to an increase in early college departures and the NCAA’s 1991 decision to reduce scholarships from 15 to 13.  These changes mean teams can no longer simply overwhelm opponents with superior depth and athleticism. It may also have to do with the fact that the press is, frankly, pretty easy to solve. Just don’t panic, keep the ball moving, and throw over your defenders for an easy bucket when the opportunity inevitably presents itself.

That trend changed for the Terps on Tuesday against Miami.  Maryland pressed them into 14 turnovers in the first half, and breakaway layups and and-ones were a regular occurrence for the Terps. After building a 17-point lead, Gary Williams called off the dogs in the second half, and Miami committed only three additional turnovers the rest of the way.

But it was probably more a blip than anything else.  Miami’s  main ballhandler is a freshman and all but one of their guards are underclassmen. They’re greener than a bin of alfalfa sprouts, and crumple just about as quickly under pressure. (Zing!)  The larger trend is that of the press getting kind of sort of absolutely shredded. For example, the Cincinnati loss turned into a jailbreak, with Maryland giving up 12 fast-break points to score 16 while sacrificing valuable help defense.  Even William and Mary — up this year, sure, but still no Kentucky — solved it to the tune of six three-pointers on 50 percent shooting before the Terps retreated to the zone after halftime.

Now take the recent 88-64 blowout of N.C. State, in which Maryland pressed very little and emerged with decisive advantages in fast-break points (10-2) and turnovers (11-9), all while holding N.C. State 18 points below its scoring average from the previous three games.

Which brings us to Sunday’s big showdown with Clemson.  It will be extremely interesting to see what Maryland does given that Tigers point guard Demontez Stitt has a gimpy ankle.  Here’s hoping they ”repress,” if you will, their full-court urges. Pressure defense is and should remain a Maryland signature, but the all-out full-court press seems like more of a situational play at this point. Is it a coincidence that several recent games, featuring a more judicious use of the press, have heralded no less than a full defensive turnaround?  With cagey (and decidedly long-limbed) veterans Greivis Vasquez and Landon Milbourne committing fully to defense, Sean Mosely become a stone-cold defensive stopper, a tougher and scrappier inside presence led by Jordan Williams and Dino Gregory, and some booster fuel off the bench in the form of Adrian Bowie (we’ll see if it sticks), this team doesn’t need to resort to gimmicks.

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Do you recall any time in recent memory when the Terps dominated a legit opponent the way they dominated Boston College 73-57 yesterday? I don’t. I only need five points for this one.

  1. I’m of the opinion that Maryland is currently playing its best ball of the Greivis Vasquez era. And that includes the man himself (17 and nine). This is even sweeter after 2009’s BC loss that served as the nadir of the season.
  2. Maryland: 50 percent shooting, 58 percent from three. BC: 37 percent shooting, 35 from three. Maryland: 12 steals, 20 transition points. Boston: 18 turnovers, 4 transition points. The Terps controlled this thing on both ends, wire to wire. The only bad spot: BC outrebounded us 40 to 28. That’ll always be a demon for Maryland.
  3. To be fair and balanced, BC is in a horrible funk right now. Normally a solid defensive group, this team can’t guard a cow pasture in broad daylight…they’re ninth in the ACC in scoring defense, 11th in blocks and turnover margin, and dead last in FG percentage defense, scoring margin, and steals. Oy. Co-captain B.J. Parish is the deadest dead weight that ever died. I almost — ALMOST — feel bad for them.
  4. Finally, a great night for the Terps bench! Pop the champagne. Tucker and Bowie combined for 29 points on 11-19 shooting, two steals, one assist and one turnover.
  5. A little breather this Tuesday against Longwood before resuming ACC play with N.C. State and Miami. If Maryland keeps it up, we’ll be 15-5 heading into a big game at Clemson on Jan. 31. Here’s hoping they keep it up. This is starting to look like maybe it could possibly have the potential to be a fun stretch run. Maybe.

(Photo credit: Mary Schwalm/Associated Press via the Washington Post)

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If a thrilling overtime game ends in a loss, is it still thrilling? NO, DAMMIT! IT’S NOT! WE LOST!! Just couldn’t salvage the 85-83 squeaker. Here’s some points:

  1. Seriously, it was a great game. Wake tried to pull away in the second half but we wouldn’t let them. Maryland had shots to win…they just didn’t go in. The Terps lost, but didn’t lose their heads. How does the selection committee weight stuff like that?
  2. Al-Farouq Aminu is a multi-talented guy. Strong post player, big-time shot blocker, runs the floor, handles the ball, and he was great in The Blind Side. Got a bright future, this kid.
  3. After all of Gary’s hand-wringing about playing on short rest, the team didn’t gas. Let this end any lingering questions about team conditioning and/or yoga habits.
  4. Vasquez: 30 points, 7 assists, 3 rebounds, 6 turnovers. The Maryland bench: 14 points, 1 assist, 8 rebounds, 2 turnovers.
  5. While I’m on the bench, exactly one day after I said Cliff Tucker was on a roll and Adrian Bowie was the odd man out, Huxtable throws up a 2-0-0 and Bowie pours in a 10-1-4. I give up. Can’t we just meld these two into one player already?
  6. From the land of baseless second-guessing, I think Coach Williams may have kept Freshman Williams out a little too long at the end of the first half. That’s when the momentum first swung to Wake, due mainly to the unabated dunking. We missed Steve Goins in this one. Get well soon, Steve!
  7. C.J. Harris…who knew?
  8. We outrebounded them (43-41), got more assists (18-12), and committed one fewer turnover (15-16). How did we lose this game? Oh, right, they made more shots.
  9. In a chillingly recurrent theme, Maryland had a hard time finishing around the rim. Wake had no such problem…I counted about 11 dunks, none of which came from Chas “Harlan Williams” McFarland
  10. Dear Raycom Sports play-by-play announcer Steve Martin: Anthony Bowie played for Oklahoma in the 80s. Shane Mosely is a boxer. To my knowledge, neither was involved in tonight’s game. But good try, you was close.
  11. (Photo credit: The Baltimore Sun)

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In some ways, the ACC basketball formula is not difficult to decipher.  You run it, you gun it, you rinse, you repeat.

The take-home message?  It’s a lot of running. A lot of gunning. That’s why depth is such a key issue. And that’s why Maryland’s underwhelming bench production is causing some gastroenterological discomfort in some territories of Terpland.

Before the Florida State game, the eight bench players — Adrian Bowie, Cliff Tucker, Dino Gregory, James Padgett, Jin Soo Choi, Steve Goins, David Pearman, and Ersin Levent –  were averaging 2.6 points on 35 percent shooting, 0.5 assists, and 1.3 rebounds in 10 minutes of playing time per player per game.  Thus, the entire bench is delivering 21 points, four assists and 11 rebounds each game — or, 26 percent of the scoring, 30 percent of the rebounds, and 23 percent of the assists. Compare this to North Carolina, whose reserves are scoring 3.3 points per player per game, or 42 percent of the team’s points. On the other end of the rankings spectrum, the eight N.C. State reserves who have attempted a shot of any kind are averaging 2.5 points per player per game, or 30 percent of the team’s points.  

It’s more than numbers, though…we need bodies to man the perimeter and/or establish any semblance of an effective press.  An unreliable bench also carries clear implications for Maryland’s starters, for whom a lack of bench production means heavy minutes…I did the math and it’s 29 mpg to be exact, tied with Duke and Wake for most in the ACC.  It also means extra performance anxiety for the starters, maybe not exactly what the doctor ordered for this fairly high-strung team and its fairly high-strung best player.  

But lately, the bench is showing signs of life. The jailbreak that was Winston-Salem State was encouraging, but it was still Winston-Salem State, a veritable open bar of stat-quaffing.  More meaningful to me was yesterday’s Florida State win.  Cliff Tucker led the reserves with eight points in 16 minutes. Dino Gregory gave his most Dino-Gregorian effort yet, with the putbacks and the rebounds and the yeoman’s defense and the hey hey hey. Padgett had some confident moves on the low block that were particularly impressive against the Ents of FSU. Of the reserves, only Adrian Bowie was held scoreless (more on him later). But generally, slowly, gradually, this bench may be starting to emerge.

That trend will probably continue to some extent due to a few self-corrections.  I included every reserve in the numbers above, because they do log minutes in cupcake games. Moving forward, though, it’s reasonable to expect that the Levents and Pearmans of the world, God bless them, will probably not see game action for the remainder of the season (with the possible exception of Longwood). Gone as well is Jin Soo Choi, as are his binary code stat lines. Freshman Padgett continues his development. And of course, Dino Gregory is back from suspension and rounding into form.

Let’s assume Dino keeps on his current pace and is a solid bench contributor the rest of the way. He’s our best overall reserve and number one glue guy, to use a phrase that just passed Tom Brady and is rapidly overtaking American Idol on my big list of things I find to be tired. That really leaves Tucker, Bowie, Padgett, and Goins as the wild cards here. Even with Choi’s departure, Goins’ involvement remains iffy at best as long as he continues to battle The Little Knee Injury That Could. Padgett is showing flashes, but that’s still all they are — flashes. Anything we get from him is gravy. But his play is promising. His minutes and numbers plummeted with Dino’s return, but he still plays hard whenever he sees the court, and always seems to unveil a new improvement or wrinkle to his game (last night, it was a nifty post pivot and sparkling two-for-two from the free throw line. Seriously…that’s sparkling.)

Which brings us back to Tucker and Bowie, or as I like to call them, The Mystery Twins. Great name, right? I was thinking about printing up some T-shirts. Apparel aside, one minute they’re MIA, the next they’re the best athlete on the team. Right now Tucker is the one rolling, but that could change any moment. His big breakout came against Winston-Salem, but began well before that with a renewed commitment to practice and teammates. Nevertheless, in the early season he managed to burrow his way into Coach Williams’ bad graces yet again, climaxing (if that’s the right word) with a DNP-CD against Indiana and a big four minutes versus Eastern Kentucky.  But over the last five games or so, his minutes and production have stabilized. But that could change at any moment, so how stable is it really? That’s life…with The Mystery Twins. Coming soon to NBC!

Adrian Bowie seems a little less mercurial than Cliff, but on the other hand he has just plain underperformed in 15 mpg this year, which is way down from his 24 average last season. Right now, Bowie is a disappointment and a soft spot in this Maryland rotation. And that’s coming from a bona fide Bowie fan. Not to wax all philosophical and crap, but he seems to have stopped growing as a player. He’s only averaging 3.4 ppg (to Tucker’s 6) and has pulled the donut hole five times, including against FSU. He slashes more than Jason Voorhies but is considerably less devastating with it, in part because he doesn’t have anything else in his game that defenders need to respect. Plus, at 6′2″, he isn’t big enough to be a scoring guard who can stop the other team’s scoring guard. He should be Eric Hayes’ backup, but isn’t. For whatever reason, he isn’t able (or willing) to run the point. Finally, he seems to disappear at strange times. Perhaps it’s just a coincidence, but still interesting that four of his five best statistical ACC games last year (Miami, Florida State, Boston College, and Duke at home) were all Terps losses.

So he’s a bit of a square peg in a round hole for this lineup. Tucker is more of a natural fit in terms of his size and his skill set. As his attitude has improved, so have his minutes and his game. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. So with the rotation firming up and more players hitting their stride, perhaps this is the start of a larger trend. Gregory is the star of the bench, but if Tucker can remain consistent, we coax a little more out of Bowie, and Padgett gives us five decent minutes a game, we could really have something here. With the ACC schedule getting into full swing, we need every body we can get.

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Woo! Awesome team victory tonight, as the Terps upset #18 Florida State 77-68. FSU remains oh for the Comcast Center after its sixth game there. To the points:

  1. Game MVP: one Greivis Vasquez. Twenty-two points on 8-18 shooting, including some clutch shots down the stretch to quell an FSU rally. He also played brilliant defense, including some great helping D in the post. What a motor. This is the kind of game they tend to lose…a big lead evaporates and the team loses its composure. Vasquez didn’t let that happen tonight. I’m not exactly Vasquez Superfan 21 over here, but credit where it’s due: he was numero uno out there tonight.
  2. The bigs did a solid job on FSU’s formidable front court. Jordan Williams and Landon Milbourne seemed quicker and more nimble than Solomon Alabi et al, and were able to get Alabi in early foul trouble. They do need to box out more consistently, though.
  3. Clunky is not even the word for FSU’s offense. Seriously, do they have to start it up with a hand crank before every game? Is it powered by hamsters? If one of the bigs couldn’t get a layup, they kicked it out for three. If that didn’t work, they simply tossed the ball to the referee. By the end of the season, they’re gonna lead the nation in not dribbling. And that exhausts my cache of FSU’s-offense-stinks-related zingers.
  4. Fiesty crowd at Comcast tonight. Terp fans seem to understand that (a) this team needs a home-court advantage, and (b) they need it every game — not just Duke and Carolina.
  5. FSU commits a ton of turnovers (11th in ACC), and Maryland exploited that, forcing 12 turnovers and 17 fouls.  And it actually seemed like a lot more than that.
  6. Props to Cliff Tucker, who provided the Terps with a serious booster shot in 16 minutes off the bench. He’s out of Gary’s doghouse for now. Has Adrian Bowie (no points in 11 minutes) taken his place in there, or did Gary simply view Bowie’s slash-it-up style as a bad fit against the Noles’ Redwood forest of a frontcourt? As always, only TIME…will tell.
  7. The three starting guards (36 pts and 11 assists all together) did great jobs getting shots for themselves and others. FSU repeatedly fell for their pump fakes and step-backs, and they seemed committed to making the extra pass without getting gaudy abut it.
  8. Speaking of passing, Maryland was excellent in moving the ball around the zone, although it occasionally crossed into hot-potato territory. They backslid into freelancing at times, but by and large they showed real patience and poise — very encouraging.
  9. Gary shows again that he’s just better in underdog situations. (I also noticed he used the press pretty sparingly, which is good.)  Dear AP voters: please do not vote for Maryland.
  10. Tucker and Sean Mosely put the clamps on 6′9″ Chris Singleton, who wasn’t a major factor while the outcome was still in question. I’m no Singleton expert, but “passionate” isn’t a word I’d use to describe his personality on the court.

The Terps now travel to Wake for a Tuesday night game. Will be interesting to see what their focus is like after this win and on short rest.  They don’t have the luxury of letting up.

(Photo credit: Alan P. Santos/DC Sports Box)

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Bang!  Ha ha!  Gotcha!  Nah, nah. I’m just playin with you, man.  Just playin with you.   People been takin everything so serious lately.   Come on.  It was just a few guns!  Did people get all up on you like this the last time YOU played a practical joke with some guns? See what I’m saying?

I can’t believe how fast people are turning on Agent Zero.  How they gonna do me like that?   Think back to my contributions recently.  I played in 47 games over the past three seasons. FORTY SEVEN. How many did you play in? Uh-huh. The prosecution rests. That rock don’t chuck itself, homeboy.  You’re treating me like all those games didn’t mean nothing to you.  But go ahead…get rid of me. If you can find another eccentric shoot-first point guard with bad knees who’s willing to play for $111 million, you got my blessing, man. Hey! Why are you dancing? You don’t gotta dance on me, man.

You know, this all reminds me of a story I once heard.  It’s one of those fake stories…fake stories?   Fairy tale, like…FABLE!  It’s like one of those fables.  But it’s about a man who fell in love with a blind woman, okay.   The man loved her so much, he gave her his eyes so she could see.  And when she could see, he asked her to marry him, but she was all like, “I don’t wanna marry no blind man.”  You see?  That blind man was me.  I GAVE YOU MY EYES, DC!  WHAT ELSE YOU WANT!?!?!   Oh, you want your money back?  Sorry, can’t do that.  Artificial atmospheres don’t pay for themselves, do they now.

So as you might have guessed, I got me a little extra down time these days.  It’s just temporary…until these clown-ass cops realize they’re stupid and they got no case.  Except for those guns.  You know.  But F that, man. They’ll learn it’s the media’s fault and then I’ll sue the media and then I’ll write stories about how stupid THEY are!  I’ll be talking about how they get it on with dogs and stuff like that.  It’s just like what they’re doing with me.  Except my shit is true, that’s all.  Your day of reckoning is coming, media.  Believe that.

All my extra free time means I can watch a lot more ball on the TV.  I do it while I’m counting my umbrella collection.  Did you know I collect umbrellas?  Yeah, man, I got like four thousand of them bitches.  It’s just a little habit I picked up on the streets.  When I’m not giving money to schools, you know, I’m buying umbrellas.

One of the ball games I’m gonna watch is Maryland-Florida State. For the 12-2, 18th-ranked Seminoles, it begins and ends with their front court, Solomon Alabi and Chris Singelton. And don’t be sleepin on Ryan Reid, either. That dude does some serious dirty work. In fact, they all do serious dirty work. This is a dirty work team. They are NASTY on the blocks, yo. NASTY on the boards. Serious swag down there, son. They’re tops in the ACC in scoring defense, FG percentage defense (opponents only shoot 33 percent…DAMN!), and blocked shots. Second in steals. Third in defensive rebounding. So let me repeat: they. are. nasty.

That’s why this one might be hard for Maryland. When was the last time you saw them mix it up with anybody? If I was the other coach, I would be like, “Maryland’s good, but you hit em in the mouth one time and they fold.” Hitting dudes in the mouth is this team’s specialty. Jordan Williams and Dino Gregory better be on notice. They’re gonna log some rugged minutes, man. Not to mention Vasquez and Bowie and anyone else that wants to slash their way in there. Something tells me Bowie’s gonna have a quiet game.

On offense, though, things flip around. It’s clear the Noles miss Toney Douglas. And why wouldn’t they? He played there for like 12 years. But now, they got no big-time scoring threat. They dump it inside and hope for the best. They’re methodical, which is a nice way of saying they got no clear options. But you know what? Maryland does. So if it’s Vasquez and Mosely time, and if Hayes gets hot, now we got something.

But assuming FSU’s superior defense and Maryland’s superior offense are equal and opposite, it’s gonna come down to the intangibles. Will, baby. Hustle. Who can impose their game on the other one? I’m saying Florida State gets this one. They’re hungry right now. Maybe Maryland wins the rematch in Tallahassee on Feb. 4, but the Noles are gonna get this one. I’ll bet you on it. I’ll bet you my umbrellas. Well, some of my umbrellas. Actually, I’ll go you one better. I got four guns here that says FSU gets the W. Actually, you don’t even gotta bet me. Just take em, OK? Take those gloves off and hold ‘em in your hand. My gift to you, son! Go ahead, get on outta here.

Prediction: Florida State 79, Maryland 66

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Scene: A nondescript dive in downtown Washington, D.C. Two guys sit at the bar, sipping glasses of beer.

Scott: What day is it? Friday?
Friend: Wednesday.
Scott:  Huh.  I really think it’s Friday.
Friend:  Nope. Hey, how’s your blog going?
Scott:  Kind of in a dead zone right now, but it’ll pick up again after the holidays when Ian and I are back from our vacations.
Friend: But doesn’t Maryland have a game tonight?
Scott: Nah, that’s not for another, like, three days.
Friend: (Pulls out iPhone) Nope. No, they played William and Mary tonight.
Scott: Oh, crap. That’s a serious trap game for us. They beat Wake Forest, you know.
Friend: Uh oh…wait. Hold on a sec.
Scott: What?
Friend: Uhhhh….
Scott: What is it? WHAT?!?! For baby Jesus’ sake, tell me!
Friend: (Shows iPhone screen. William and Mary 83, Maryland 77. Scott looks for the little “F” near the score, hoping not to find it. He finds it.)
Scott:  no
Friend:   My condolences, man.
Scott:   So it begins. (Hand begins to shake.)
Friend:  Come again?
Scott:   The cycle…it begins anew.  (Beer glass shatters in Scott’s hand.) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friend:  Dude, you should really have that vein on your forehead looked at. Seriously.  That’s gonna rupture.
Scott:  SMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(Rips clothes, goes on rampage.)

Now that I’m back to normal size, let me congratulate Maryland on this terrific, almost exquisite loss.  Maryland swore it saw the trap game potential here.  They lost anyway. 

On the court, the Tribe followed the model that Cincinnati, Wisconsin, and others have previously executed with success. Continuing a major theme, in the first half the Tribe easily solved Maryland’s press, possibly because the press is easily solved. On the other side, W&M packed the lane and dared the Terps to shoot. The Terps obliged. Unfortunately, top shooters and senior leaders Vasquez and Eric Hayes each went 2-9 from three. Here’s what Coach Williams said after the game:

“We didn’t have the patience or the toughness to go inside with the basketball, so it turned into a shooting contest and they won.”

Doesn’t this kind of situation call for, what’s the word I’m looking for, coaching?  Aw, shucks, looks like the guys aren’t up for pounding it inside tonight against freaking William and Mary. So let’s just start chucking instead. That game plan was kinda optional anyway.

This is where the Gary/Vasquez relationship is so vexing. It’s not all their fault – Jordan Williams, Dino Gregory, Adrian Bowie, Cliff Tucker, and Hayes were all non-factors.  But those two are the clear leaders.  They love each other — they have made that painfully, almost awkwardly clear. But Gary seems to treat Greivis like an overindulgent father whose kid runs wild through the neighborhood. Obviously, none of the players are comfortable asking Vasquez to stop going one on five. So they just watch or join in, letting bad decisions lead to more desperation to more bad decisions ad infinitum. The post-game player comments reflected that, being of the usual, Eeyoresque “I dunno what happened, we shoulda had more energy, mumble mumble mumble” variety.  Fantastic.

I’m a long way from the Fire Gary camp. But where was all that great in-game coaching?  Why do we need to be in mid-February with our backs against the wall before he becomes able to lead his team? Why do we keep having these letdowns?   Why do we seem incapable of learning from our mistakes? What the fuck is wrong with this fucking team?  SMAAAAAASSSSSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, okay.  I’m calm.  But the sad fact is, this season looks like the same old tired story. They’re gonna start slow in the ACC. Florida State will be an ass-whoopin — mark that down. We’ll be left for dead. Then we’ll pull out just enough upsets to get on the bubble, with the ACC tournament deciding our final fate. We’ll probably make it and lose again in the second round. Can we just fast-forward to next season? I’ve seen this movie before.

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Even more impotant than Maryland doing its job in a 98-55 threshing last night was the fact that Winston-Salem State did its job. Way to earn your money, Rams. To the abbreviated points:

  1. I was less impressed with Vasquez’s near-triple-double than I was with his 4-4 mark from three. A sign not only of accuracy, but of judiciousness. Sweet, sweet judiciousness.
  2. Direct quote from Dino Gregory: “Oil can! Oiiiil!!! Caaaann!!!!”
  3. Cliff Tucker and Adrian Bowie emerged from the doghouse and the Bermuda Triangle, respectively, to combine for a 22, 5, and 5. Not stellar, but hopefully the start of a turnaround for these guys, who currently lead a pretty moribund bench.
  4. We eviscerated them in every single phase except rebounding…a classic Achilles heel for the can-we-start-a-fast-break-now Terps. How are you only going to outrebound them by three? I know they had some frisky bigs (esp. Paul Davis), but still.
  5. If this win can really be considered a momentum builder, let’s hope it keeps up vs. Florida Atlantic on the 27th. Only three more cupcakes and then — hopefully — we can all breathe a big sigh of relief.  That’s our Terps!

(Photo credit: www.yesbutnobutyes.com)

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With forward/center Dino Gregory returning to action this Saturday against Eastern Kentucky after being suspended for some academic violation, speculation is heating up on how he might be used and how he might contribute in the Terps’ lineup.

Here’s what it basically boils down to, OK? You can only have five players on the court at one time, right. So they’re gonna need to figure out whether they want to bench somebody to make room for Dino in the starting lineup. They could bench most consistent player Landon Milbourne (negative), maddening but most talented player Vasquez (negatory), or rock solid player Eric Hayes (negarino).

So that leaves Jordan Williams. Either he’ll be benched for Dino or Dino himself will sub in.

I think I have solved this mystery. The smoking gun is a quote from Gary Williams given after the Villanova game. Let’s go to the block quotes:

“We’re supposed to get Dino Gregory back by the 12th, according to the powers that be. We look forward to that, to him playing in our next game. He’ll give us more depth, more size on the inside. He’s a very good defensive player, a good rebounder, and we need that.”

Depth. See that? Dino will give us “depth.” If he had said “he’ll give us a more consistent presence inside,” or “he gives us more experience inside,” or “he’s going to give us more scoring on the inside,” then I’d say that Jordan Williams’ starting spot was in jeopardy. But he said none of those things. So to me, it doesn’t matter if Jordan Williams is green, or forest green, or lime green, or seafoam green. He’s gonna remain the starter. As the saying goes, you can’t teach six-ten. And Jordan just had his best game as a Terp, posting 19 points and 12 boards against Nova. Not to mention that Gary said after the game that Jordan was “a man.”

So what would Dino give us off the bench? Just hustle and rebounding and hustle and defense, along with his purportedly improved offensive game. Sounds like a pretty doggone good sixth man to me. Especially when you consider that our bench, to be frank, seems to be made of balsa wood and Bubble Yum up to this point. In 11.1 average minutes per player per game, the Padgett/Choi/Tucker/Bowie/Goins smorgasboard is averaging 3.14 points, 1.92 rebounds, and a crisp 0.74 assists per game. That is not very good. And a couple of them seem to have some between-the-ears issues that anything-for-the-team Gregory could help rectify.

All in all, the bench needs some buttressing, stat. And that’s where Dino fits.

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Dear Lance Stephenson: HEY! YOU SUCK!

lance-stephenson

What’s up, Lance. Man Child. Born Ready. Big game tonight against the Terps.

What’s wrong, buddy? You look a little out of it.  Did you accidentally sit on a pea during your plane ride?  Did Slam not send the right photographer?  Did Cincinnati’s check not clear?

It’s so hard being a star. Regular people, they just don’t understand.  They don’t know what it’s like to have this talent.  The expectations.  The burdens that you carry.  Because you’ve got all the tools. 

All the tools, that is, except maybe one:  the one between your ears.

Oh, yeah, that’s right.  I said it.  And you heard me.  Got nothing to say?  Cat got your tongue?  Oh, wait, no. Your coach put a gag order on you, saying he was “worried about our guys focusing on basketball and academics and not being distracted.”

What?  Distraction?  Unbelievable.  That’s no way to treat Born Distraction, er, Ready.  So I guess you’ll just have to let your actions do the talking. After all, you don’t have time to talk to every reporter who wants a quote, or every girl you want to sex up.  Talking just wastes the sexy time.  Believe me, they’ll get the message!

It’s not about talk anyway.  It’s about team.  Just like with the team’s previous point guard, Rashad what’s-his-name.  Oh, right Bishop. He got bumped so you could play.  That’s what I like to call building bridges.  Want me to call Slam so you can talk a little more about your selflessness?  

In the meantime, unfortunately for you it looks like your stats aren’t bearing out the decision.  I was going to go look up your numbers on the Cincinnati Web site, but they still have the 2008-2009 data on there.  Great job, Bearcats. Web sites aren’t so important anyway. It’s just the nerds what read them and shit. So anyway, I’ll just have to calculate your stats the old-fashioned way: ESPN.  Looks like you’re averaging 10 points on 36 percent shooting to go with 4 rebounds and 1 assist. That’s good, but not “this was definitely worth undermining the incumbent” good.

And you know what? You’re not even gonna hit those averages tonight. Maryland’s offense may not be starting off gangbusters, but their D sure as hell is. It’s gonna be Vasquez and Sugar Sean on you all night. Maybe a little Bowie an Hayes for good measure. They’re gonna shut you down, Lance. I repeat. Shut. You. Down. Vasquez is crazier than you are by a Caracas mile. You’re not getting past him, buddy.

So mark it down, Lance.  Alert the media.   Born Ready’s gonna get put to sleep tonight.

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