You know what this sucks. I suck at blogging. I’m a complete failure and my DVR is a crappy piece of shit. They also stopped giving us Starz for some reason on the downstairs TV. WTF, Comcast? How am I going to watch “Erin Brockovich” now for the eleventy millionth time? You tell me, Comcast. YOU TELL ME! Julia Roberts’ body is so underrated. And when I try to call you about it I get put on hold so long I realize I eventually have to pee so I take the phone in the bathroom but I drop it in the toilet and can’t pull up the stream fast enough to avoid the handset so in my total exasperation I was all like you know what screw it dude. Screw it.

Bottom line: guess who’s got a surprise package coming their way in the mail. That’s right…it’s Comcast. Not to spoil the surprise, Comcast, but you know what’s in there? If you said, “it’s a peed-on telephone,” then you are right again, sir! And there’s a receipt in there as well. You owe me thirty-nine ninety-nine. Please credit my account.

If any other cable provider whose dishes don’t stop working when it’s foggy wants to go ahead and take all the business of an entire neighborhood in one fell swoop, please contact me.

Ehh…Go Terps!