Ah, my Internet returns. I’m a whole person again.

So back to the posts. As you know, tonight’s Maryland-UVA game has been postponed to next Monday, Feb. 15 due to the Snowtorious B.I.G. snowstorm that has subsnowed the entire Washington region in a mountain of snow. Or as I like to call it, the white stuff.

There has been some handwringing over why the decision was made (UVA had already driven up), and the fact that this now means the Terps will play three games in six days, with a trip to N.C. State still set for the 17th. Personally, I don’t see a ton of better choices here given university conditions and visitor safety, and am not one to assume the university is incompetent at everything it does. Bottom line:  it’s Mother Nature. As Tony Soprano once said to that one guy, what are you gonna do, heh? What are you gonna do.

So let’s look on the bright side here: we now have four full days to make fun of Duke!

This year, it all starts with sophomore reserve center Miles Plumlee. This Fort Wayne, Ind., product is the son of proud parents Leslie Plumlee and Perky Plumlee. Perky is the father. You can’t make this stuff up. When they’re not playing basketball — or, as Perky calls it, horseless polo — the Plumlees enjoy snickering at poor people from afar and scuttling plans to hold benefit concerts to save soda fountains from good, honest condominium developers. As it happens, SG was able to acquire a transcript of Plumlee’s first recruiting call with Duke.

(Ring ring!)

Miles: (looks at ringing telephone on table beside him) Beauregard! Telephone!

Beauregard: Coming, sir! Plumlee residence.

Miles: Beauregard!

B: (Covers phone receiver) Dreadfully sorry, sir. (Back into phone) Plumlee estate. Certainly, sir. One moment. Miles, a call for you.

Miles: As you were, Beau. (Into phone.) You’ve got Miles.

Coach K: Miles, hello, it’s Mike Shishefski.

Miles: Ah, the American Express spokesperson! I simply adore your black card, sir, simply adore it. Why, just the other day, we were in Santorini, plotting a bit of a sail, as it were, and they tried to give us a 40-foot yacht. And Costas was all like, “its-a all-a we have!” or whatever. But then Perky took out his black card and said “we’ll just see about that, old boy! Now get me your manager on the phone!” Ahhh, were that our family photographer had been on the scene to capture the old man’s face! It was like we had stolen his olive oil.

K: That’s a wonderful story, Miles. And some day soon, I want to hear how it ends. But I’m actually not calling today on behalf of American Express, the card that offers you a world of possibilities. I’m calling to recruit you to play basketball here at Duke University.

M: Duke? Why, I’m flattered, sir.

K: We think you would really fit in well here. You’ve got size, you’re articulate, and you just finished destroying the Fort Wayne area private Christian school league. Let me tell you, Miles, that is no mean feat.

M: Greensboro Day was particularly thorny.

K: That they were, son. You showed real leadership in that game. And of course, you’ve got this great, WASP-y, white-bread pedigree thing going on that is so central to the Blue Devil tradition.

M: But I thought Charles Buffington III was scheduled to fill your patrician quota.

K: Unfortunately, Charles tore his ACL trying to kick a forlorn dog out of his ski chalet on a recent trip to the Alps.

M: Sorry to hear that. Tough break, C-Buffs.

K: So you see, you’re my last best hope here, Miles. Think about all the great line of Plumlee forebearers who would be so tickled at the irony of seeing you study for free in the practice of a common man’s pursuit.

M: You make a good point. Very well, sir! I shall call Swensen and book a flight to your campus post-haste.

K: That’s wonderful.

M: But on one condition.

K: Name it.

M: Beauregard must come and play on the team with me.

K: I’m afraid he might be past his eligibility window.

M: I must have him! I must have Beauregard!

K: How about your brother Mason?

M: He’s a bit Lurchy for my tastes, but then again he does keep his room rather tidy. Sir, you have a deal!

K: I’ll alert the airfield to your arrival.

(Photo credit: GoDuke.com)