The summer just keeps dripping along.  But with Maryland set to open practice tomorrow, it’s time to get into a gridiron state of mind.  Because we are all busy people, and because I’m disinclined to delve into the battle for starting Gatorade distributor,  here is a 10,000-foot preview of your 2010 Terrapins.

• Offensive Line:  The five dancing elephants in the room. Maryland ranked 110th in the country in sacks allowed last year and 102nd in tackles for loss allowed. That was with Bruce Campbell as the anchor, and this year Bruce Campbell (and, for that matter, second-best-lineman Phil Costa) ain’t walkin through that door. Bookends R.J. Dill and Justin Gilbert are both promising and large, but they’re also both sophomores. Guards Andrew Gonnella and Bennett Fulper have 12 starts between them. When the Terps take the field against Navy, Paul Pinegar, the line’s only senior, will start his first game at center.  Hoo boy.  Maryland has some exciting skill players, but if the line can’t stay firm, they’ll be running through Jell-O all season long.
• Running back: Every Terps RB preview starts with the phrase “If they can stay healthy.”  Who am I to buck conventions? If Da’rel Scott, who missed five games in ‘09 with a broken wrist, can stay healthy, they’ll have a good unit. When he did play, Da’rel somehow managed five yards a carry, proving he can hit home runs even with a poor o-line. Davin Meggett is a decent complement, especially as a pass catcher. Gary Douglas could change the pace. Sledgehammer D.J. Adams will see short-yardage action.
• Receiver: Torrey Smith is playing his junior and probably final season in College Park. In 2009, he finished sixth in the nation for all-purpose yards and in the top 60 for receiving yards. He was all-ACC last year and should be so again. He could set the NCAA record for kickoff return yards, not to mention several team receiving marks. But this unit is more than Torrey. Adrian “Have A Few Words With The” Cannon is back on the other side, and Ronnie Tyler will start in the slot. LaQuan Williams also returns.
• Quarterback:  Playing time in seven games last season, including two starts, gives Jamarr Robinson the most experience under center. His arm is strong, if not accurate. He’s mobile, but tends to go more east-west than north-south.  If he can’t produce, requests for The Ballad of Danny O’Brien could flood the hotlines.
• Defensive line: As with the offense, a soggy line kept the defense on slippery footing last year. They finished second-to-last in the ACC in total defense, and there doesn’t appear to be major improvement for 2010.  Sophomore A.J. Francis is the only returning starter. Derek Drummond and Justin Anderson should start at the ends. From the hope-springs-eternal-in-the-spring department, Joe Vellano was evidently a one-man gang in April.
• Linebackers: Preseason all-ACC first teamer Alex Wujciak, fellow senior Adrian Moten, and 2009 breakout Demetrius Hartsfield will again be — and need to be — big predators for the Terps defense. Despite the overall unit woes, the LBs got 30.5 tackles for loss and lots of accolades last year, and should be improved for 2010 after a year studying Don Brown’s Let-God-Sort-Em-Out philosophy.
• Secondary:   If the line underwhelms again, the linebackers, who are better run stuffers as it is, will have to compensate. Looks like the third level will be on an island again. In 2009, the Terps finished last in the ACC for pass defense, and return only one corner — Cameron Chism — from that unit. Antwine Perez and Kenny Tate are game at safety.
• Coaches: It’s probably Bowl Game Or Get Off The Pot for Ralph Friedgen. With a new athletic director (not to mention university president) entering the fold soon, and Fridge in the final year of his contract, this is it.  O-coordinator James Franklin, Debbie Yow’s handpicked Coach In Waiting, may not have the same understanding with the new honchos. If they go 2-10, or anything like it, a cleaning of houses is in the offing.

Bottom line: Could be another long season. The official ACC preseason media poll has them dead last in the Atlantic Division, and they received the second-lowest total votes, ahead of only Virginia. Last season’s strengths – rushing, receiving, special teams – remain strong.  Weak spots – the lines and the secondary — remain weak.  The key will be whether new players will shore up the leaky spots in the dike or just bore a new set of holes.

Final score: Better luck and a relatively easy schedule gets them to 5-7, but it’s not enough for a bowl game, or to save Ralph Friedgen’s job. This all has the look and feel of a program poised to tip itself into rebuilding mode.  Let the bloodletting begin.

(Photo credit: NJ.com)

It’s that time again. Can you feel it? Nothing quite like the run-up to football season. Sometimes it’s almost more exciting than the actual football. Especially if you’re a Maryland fan.

But don’t let my sardonic wit derail you. Terrapins Rising sure doesn’t. The reality show that follows the Terps through the spring scrimmage season and into summer training camp aired its second episode last night. As I did last year, I intend to recap each episode here. Except the first episode, which I overlooked due to DVR issues. I’ll return your subscription check shortly.

For those not familiar, here’s the official primer. And “official” is the operative word here. It’s produced by Terrapin Sports Marketing, a CBS affiliate that basically handles all marketing for the athletic department, from the UMTerps Web site to ticket booths at games. It’s directed by Maryland grad, ex-Redskin, and general homer Jess Atkinson. It’s sponsored by Under Armour, which every moron knows has plenty of ties to Maryland.

In a nutshell, it’s like Hard Knocks, only the team is directly controlling the show. Directors receive special access to coaches, players, practices, meetings, sidelines, and the like, but in return create what appears to be an informercial for the program. (The first episode, for example, focused heavily on the importance of academics.) This arrangement certainly isn’t new or unique to this television show — especially these days, when for many reasons the line between news and public relations is increasingly squiggly.

But enough with the Journalism 101. Last night’s episode focused mainly on the field of play. The first seven minutes, for example, highlighted the Oklahoma drill, a kind of scrimmage-in-a-bottle where the offense tries to move the ball about three yards for a “score,” and the defense tries to stop them. For seven minutes this segment went on, with Kenny Tate talking repeatedly about how it was like a war out there, and he takes it personal, and no one has scored on him yet, but then Torrey Smith said in an interview that he kinda doubted that claim, but then Tate’s safety teammate Antwine Perez saying that no, nobody scores on them. Glad we got that settled. Lots of footage of tackling and jawing, including noted jawing expert A.J. Francis noting that people should refrain from allowing puppies to enter the area where the full-grown adult dogs live and work. Although his delivery was better than mine.

Tune in next week, when they’ll air five minutes of blocking sled footage. It’s just like real life, says one player. I’m trying to improve my technique, says another.

The next segment was a lot more interesting, and is the reason I like to watch this show. We were introduced to Joe Vellano, a sophomore defensive end who was apparently unblockable in spring scrimmage. I colored myself skeptical at first, given that (a) the Terps offense had one of the worst lines in the country last year and apparently can’t even score in an Oklahoma drill, and (b) Joe’s father Paul had his number retired for the Terps, which allowed Ralph Friedgen to wax poetic about The Maryland Tradition, thus raising questions over the aforementioend squiggly line. But I did some digging, and Vellano seems legit, and could be a starter this fall on the interior of the line. Thanks, Terrapins Rising. I think everybody just won there.

Until next week.

Whoa. Wow. Someone did NOT like Debbie Yow. I’ll give you a hint: his name rhymes with Schmon Schmeinstein. And if Schmon’s side of the story is fully accurate, he’s not the only one.

On his blog yesterday, Feinstein tore into Yow like she was a camper standing in front of his cubs. The headline said Yow “won’t be missed by many at Maryland,” and the article goes on to note that she had a pretty difficult personality, as “people came and went in the athletic department the way pitching coaches came and went when George Steinbrenner was still running the Yankees.” He goes into some pretty interesting details about her behavior behind the scences, before concluding that her “honeymoon won’t last terribly long” at N.C. State.

Lots of caustic (and juicy) allegations from Mr. Feinstein here, and it’s definitely worth a read.

Bottom line: the reasons Debbie Yow left don’t seem especially hard to figure out. She’s going home to take her dream job. She was on bad terms with the basketball AND football coaches. End of story. But according to Feinstein, there probably weren’t a lot of people trying to talk her out of the decision.

The Diamondback has the story. Ralph Friedgen is still the coach of your Maryland Terrapins.

The D-back may have gotten that scoop, but we got the ultra-scoop.  We’re the Maggie Moo’s of Ralph Friedgen news.  We’re the Better Batter, big daddy. With a Snickers mix-in. 

Ready?  Athletic Director Debbie Yow said they would make the decision “very fast.”  And so they did.  Here’s how it all went down yesterday…behind closed doors.

• Yow:    Greetings, Coach Friedgen. Thank you for coming in this morning.
• Friedgen:    How you doing, Debbie.
• Yow:  Please address me as Doctor Yow.
• Friedgen:  Sure, doc.  How ya doin, doc.
• Yow:   I’m fine, sir.   A little stiff, but fine.   Were you aware that if we fired you we would have to pay you four million dollars?
• Friedgen:   (Smiles.  He produces a beer from somewhere, cracks it open.  Takes long, satisfying swig.)  AHHHHHHHHHHHH.  MAN, is that good. Seriously though.  GOOD.  The first cold one of the offseason.  Does it get any better than that?  It’s like a little vacation in my hand.
• Yow:  So the buyout, then.
• Friedgen:   Oh, that.  Now that you mention it, yes, I believe I may recall seeing a mention of that somewhere.
• Yow:  The university’s not gonna cough it up.  And the boosters say they cannot collect that much.
• Friedgen:  (Wriggles hand down pants, takes another swig.)  Yeah, even for rich guys that’s a lot of money to piss away.  Can you imagine that?  You’re in the bathroom, trying to get your stream going, and you look down and see that it’s money coming out of your dong!  Oh, sorry about that, Deb.  It could be coming out of a verjayjay, too.  That’s totally cool with me.  Either way, though, liquid money!   And you want to put out your hand to catch it so it doesn’t go into the toilet, but it’s still pee, you know?  I’d imagine you’d just let it go.  It’s too gross to touch. 
• Yow:   Would you care to know what activities I partook of last weekend? I set up a donation pot and rang a handbell outside of a Safeway grocery story.  That is what I was reduced to.  All I could get was 17 dollars and 61 cents. Three million, eighty-six dollars and thirty-nine cents short. It’s like those grocery shoppers were carved out of stone.
• Friedgen: It’s tough around the holidays, Deb.
• Yow:  It’s the Salvation Army’s fault!  I kept telling the guy, “get your own territory!”   I kept leading him over to Mattress Discounters.  I thought all those indoor beds might mesmerize him.  But he kept finding his way back.   Surprising for a Salvation Army guy.  His apron was exceedingly shabby.
• Friedgen: (Cracks another beer, loosens belt.) We through here, Doc?
• Yow:  Yes. Just, you know, try to do better next year.
• Friedgen: (Stands up, salutes her.) Righty-o.  Because after 2010 it’s only a $2 million buyout, right?  (Shudders mockingly.)  Woooo!  I’m really on the hot seat now!  State employees are wiping their bee-hinds with leaves, and you’re gonna be Miss Football Accountability!  Or is it Mrs.?  Ms.?  I’ll just stick with Doc.  Keep it real, Doc!  Catch you at the “Terrapins Rising” preproduction meeting.  (Walks out, clicking heels and singing “Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas”)

There you have it.   In far less interesting news, The Diamondback is also reporting that his retention is contingent on him expanding some kind of improvement plan that he gave to Debbie Yow during their meeting yesterday.  The plan will reportedly cover scheme changes, possible staff changes, and a new “recruiting philosophy.”

But again, that tells only half the story. That new recruiting philosophy they mentioned? We have the text. Word for word!

Stick gun in the barrell, start shooting.

And now you know…the rest of the story.

(Photo Credit: The Redshirt Senior)

Friedgen is now nine years into being head coach of his Alma mater, and his record stands at 66-46.  After a few hot years of winning and building a national reputation as a Top 20 team with a punishing defense, the Terps have cooled down considerably.  Last year, the Terps finished 8-5 and struggled to get selected for a bowl game.  This year was arguably the worst year in the history of the program, with the team finishing 2-10.

The front office faces a decision on whether or not to buy out Friedgen’s contract, which would cost $4M for the next two years.  Economically, it would be very hard to justify the buyout.  It’s unlikely that the program would recover the money it would cost to let him go.  I argue that it would also be a mistake from a programmatic standpoint.  I am generally the last person to make injuries an excuse for losing, but this season was an especially tough year on the injury front, with the Terps losing the better part of their defense and many of their offensive starters to injuries.  Inexperience on the offensive line also plagued the team.  I think that time off during the off-season would help Maryland heal these problems.  Ralph has given this program more success over the last nine years than it had seen in decades, and as a successful head coach and alumnus I believe he deserves a chance to finish out his contract.

Defensively, the Terps took a big turn for the worse under new coordinator Don Brown this year.  In 2008, the Terps gave up 22.5 pts/gm.  This year, that number increased to 31.5 pts/gm allowed.  That is an astounding 42% increase in points allowed year-over-year.  The Terps only managed to hold opponents under 30 pts three times this year.  The team gave-up 396 yds/gm this year on defense, which was a 12% increase over last year.  Brown’s super blitzing style often left the secondary in single coverage, and the Terps got burned for big plays over and over.  The team also seemed gassed at the end of games, and didn’t have the energy to close out teams they should have beaten.

The blame for Maryland’s poor defensive play this year has to go on Brown.  He was the major change on that side of the ball, and his results this year were untenable.  I believe that Yow has take action to show the alumni and boosters that she is serious about results.  Firing Friedgen doesn’t make financial sense, and I do not believe it would make tactical sense, either.  If something has to be done, I believe Yow should fire Brown and keep Friedgen.

I could’ve been a contender.

Before this fate befell me, I was not merely a happy clown and purveyor of fanciful nosegays. I was a happy Maryland football fan. And now, here we are. On the eve of their final game, with the coaching job in question.  Let’s get this final preview over with. Not that anyone’s reading.

First of all, everyone’s talking about how this game will go a long way toward determining whether Ralph Friedgen will be fired. I say that’s a bunch of hogwash. Take it from me. I’ve drunk plenty of hogwash in my day. It’s a good source of protein and is surprisingly bacon-y. But as we all know, it’s going to be too expensive to buy out Friedgen’s contract, with public money or private. Can you see boosters scraping together $4 million for this? I don’t care how rich you are. That’s a lot.  And it’s weird.

So he’s not going to get fired. But it would still be good for the program if the 2-9 Terps could avoid the first 10-loss season in school history. Maybe they would be on the picture tube more than three times next season.

So what are the chances of that? Ah, there’s no chance. Who are we kidding. Yes, it’s Senior Day, and yes, Chris Turner could limp out on the field to inspire his ragtag crew to one more shot at glory. But it’s not gonna help. BC is a bad offensive team…seventh in the ACC in scoring offense. Guess what? Maryland is eleventh. They say the pass offense of BC is poor…they’re ninth in the ACC there. Guess what? Maryland’s pass DEFENSE is dead last. BC is also ninth in pass efficiency. Maryland is tenth. Meanwhile, BC is fourth in total defense. Maryland is eleventh.

Screw this, man. I don’t wanna go through anymore statistics any more. Maryland is going to lose this to go 2-10. You know, I know it, the train conductors know it, the children know it. Ralph almost certainly won’t lose his job. But you know something? I’ve tied an extra hanky around a stick for him. Just in case.

There you have it. Another season over, another year closer to the embrace of the grave, where every side of the pillow is always cold. If rotgut whisky doesn’t the death of me, these Terrapins surely shall.

Prediction: Boston College 24, Maryland 15

According to yesterday’s Washington Post, university sources believe a buyout of Ralph Friedgen’s contract might be possible.

Friedgen has two years left on his contract; buying him out would cost more than $4 million. The story doesn’t say they’re going to fire him, it just says this buyout figure won’t prevent them from pulling the trigger if that’s what they decide to do in the offseason.

I think it should.

No one’s happy with his performance this year as coach. I can’t believe we’re staring down the barrell of the first 10-loss season in school history. That’s a pretty lonely mountain right there. Ron Vanderlinden never lost 10 games. We’ve had our issues with recruiting (obviously a coaching issue), but we’re better than 2-9. And this is not the first year the Fridge has lamented that he’s lost his players (another obvious coaching problem). None of these things are positive. So what are they supposed to do?

I’ll tell you what: they hunker down, hold their cards, and take their medicine. Now is not the time to pull off the Mariah Carey Memorial Just Go Away Buyout. The university, as with many state institutions, is in dire financial straits. The school has slashed the athletic department budget to help address the shortfall. The state just made a bunch of severe cuts, which includes a $7 million reduction in financial aid for college students, and transferred millions more out of the University System of Maryland budget to plug other holes. Hundreds of students demonstrated a few weeks ago after a top diversity officer was laid off. They are destroying some valuable green space on campus to build more buildings. 

And this is before we mention that the university was “forced” to lay off or eliminate 175 job positions over the summer. Presumably, these were not jobs that command seven-figure salaries and golden parachute buyout clauses. I have friends who work for UM who report taking mandatory furloughs and working in severely understaffed offices. Maybe ask them how that $4 million could be put to better use.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but elsewhere around the state, other painful cuts are also happening. A hospital is closing. Other services are suffering real setbacks. There’s no more fat to trim, so they’re amputating limbs. All told, the state has had to cut more than $1 billion out of the budget. All indications are that there is more to come.

Whether you agree with the specific cuts or not, this is the reality we’re in. What will people think if the school claims it can’t afford to keep its top diversity officer, but then pays Coach Friedgen $4 million just to not coach the football team anymore? If they do buy him out, it’s clear that they can’t just absorb that money. Other cuts will have to be made. Where will those come from? Student aid again? The other sports teams again? Will they build a Chipotle on McKeldin Mall?

Of course, it all comes down to dollars. Word is the school fell $600,000 short of its goal on football season ticket sales, to say nothing of single ticket costs, concessions, and the like. If they think any future Fridge team is going to be this bad, and might translate to enough lost revenue to justify the cost of the buyout, so be it. I’ll look forward to seeing the analysis. But I don’t see that happening. That’s a lot of unsold tickets. A lot of uneaten hot dogs.

So I say keep him. They’re 66-49 during his tenure. That’s not terrible. And yes, he’s on a bit of a downslope lately, and he’s 63, and he calls crazy plays, and this and that. But we can hang with him, can’t we? Remember the Medifast thing? How that made us all believe again? We can get back there. We literally can’t afford anything less.

(Photo credit: Brant Sanderlin/Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

I want to congratulate the Maryand football team, with every sarcastic fiber in my being, for losing to Duke 17-13 today. That’s the same Duke team that hasn’t made a bowl game since 1994. The same Duke team that, between the 1999 season and this very game, has gone 19-101. Seriously.

Not to go over the cliff too much, but I think it’s safe to say we’re currently the worst-performing team in the ACC. 

There’s no single remedy for Maryland. We won the turnover battle 4-3 (yay, only three turnovers!) but couldn’t capitalize. Didn’t score a TD until late in the third quarter, and it was our only one. 67 total rush yards, 182 pass yards to Duke’s 23 and 371. At least we stopped their running game. Not that that was a “key to victory” or anything. It’s like saying we stopped a cat from barking.

Questionable coaching calls everywhere. Another too-little, too-late, stat-padding comeback attempt. The Terps actually ended this one themselves by coughing it up twice in the final five minutes. Torrey Smith caught a grand total of two balls for 13 yards. 38% third down conversion rate.  What else do you need to know? Thanks to good old ESPN360, I didn’t actually watch the game. But judging by the various updates and discussion boards, that is a good thing. Thanks, ESPN360! I never thought your evil would pay dividends.

Oh, were you thinking Duke is up this year? Bzzzzt. No they’re not. They’re still Duke. Duke sucks. Fu*k Duke. If they make a bowl game then I’m Shirley Chisholm.

As for Maryland, I’m just searching for a phrase right now. What’s the phrase I’m looking for…noodle dicks? No, that’s too mean. I wouldn’t want to call these guys noodle dicks in a forum that is at least technically public.  If I were to call them noodle dicks, which they are, that would be an insult to The Kids.  You gotta respect The Kids.  Especially the kind of kids that bench 250 and run 4.5 forties.

Oh, wait, I’ve got the phrase now.  Losers.

It’s nice down here with us losers, isn’t it?  Sometimes, they drop a bucket of fish heads on us.  That’s when we party!

At 2-6, the absolute best-case scenario is a 6-6, .500 finish. Raise your hand if you think they can do that. If you have your hand raised, please keep it up while I come around and collect your wallets. After all, I have a bridge I need to sell you. I’m going to assume you’re interested and just take your money. Your raised arms enhance the convenience of my doing so.

The best thing we can do is just move on as a people. Loitering only contaminates the crime scene. Let’s do the decent American thing and just pretend the rest of the season isn’t happening. Deal? Deal.

Aye, top o’ the mornin to ye. Is there anythin more pleasin to these old Irish eyes than to see a fair young Irish lad take to those emerald fields as the startin quarterback?  Nae.

And that’s why I was so overjoyed to hear that redshirt freshman Danny O’Brien, the young lad, might be relinquishin his red shirt to take the helm for the Terps.  But then, I was equally dismayed to see Ralph Friedgen a back-peddlin on the offer, even though he still says he’s thinkin about the future.  Ralph’s gonna talk with Chris Turner now, and methinks he’ll be blamin the old media for his gaffery.

To help Ralph in his deliberations, I wrote a wee ballad to tell the tale o’ Danny O’Brien.  Here’s hopin you be enjoyin it.  Did I mention I’m also part pirate?   Aye, tis true.  One-quarter pirate me matey.  It’s a shame Bart Lafitte ended up goin to LSU.

(Intro…it be a single Irish fiddle, a-playin- ever so softly)

Danny Boy, his countenance fair,
His chin goatee so wispy,
he’d lay the defense on its ear
and torch their backs so crispy.

But nae he’ll get the chance I fear
to bail out the season.
Chris Turner is the man this year
for nary a good reason.

(enter the liltin o’ the Irish flute)

O’Brien has a shirt of red.
His play would be to waste it
But as a fan I want him to
play so bad I can taste it.

It’s not that he would be the man
who’d save us from the grave.
In fact I think he’d be well served
to first learn how to shave.

But from a selfish point of view
(as most points of view are),
It’d be more fun with Danny Boy
o’er Chris or – ugh — Jamarr

Here ends me tale of want and woe
with just a simple plea:
If Danny Boy should be the man
the cornerstone of future plans
then keep him on your knee;
But if you’re givin up forthwith
or markin time til Tyler Smith
then why not give the boy his chance
and see if he’ll survive the dance?

Slainte!