Gimme another one. Gimme, like, four of ‘em. Hey, man, that’s the way I like it! I don’t even start pickin’ till’ I got like elebn, twelb crab in fronta me. Now, see, you reach down underneath ‘im, right, and you see this little thing here? Looks like a pull tab? That’s exactly what it is, bruther! Just pull on it, and then…WAIT WAIT! YOU’RE NOT DOIN IT RIGHT! YOU GOTTA PULL AND THEN REMOVE THE GILLS, THEN REMOVE THE LEGS, THEN BREAK IT IN HALF! THAT’S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN DO IT! PUT THAT GAWDARN MALLET DOWN! PUT IT–
Oe, hey, buddy! Didn’t see yoo come in. Just enjoyin a little tailgaitin with my infant son here. Ryan, say helloe. We thought we’d get here a little early, right buddy? I took four days off from the hospital — let the other new-roe-surgeon handle the loed for a while. And Ryan and I, we left the ladies at hoeme to attend the first annuwul crab bowull. What better place too teach him about pickin CRAB?!?!
But it’s special for more than just that. This is the inaugural Crab Bowull event! Murland and Navy. Don’t get much more Murland than that, boy! Unless yoo make the trophy a big pyootur bowull of crabs. NOW WE’RE TALKIN!!!
It ain’t the moest natrul rivulry, that’s for sure. This is only the second time they’ve played since 1965. They played in oe-five and Murland won a cloese one. But now, it might be a more reguellur thing. The coaches and the ADs (the interim ones anyway) seem to favor more meetings. They’re in-state rivalry, and now there’s a trophy and all, but it still feels like a couple guys trying to make friends at a bar because there’s noe wun else to talk to. And I’ll tell ya, buddy, I been there!
But it’s still a real interesting matchup this year. On one side, you got Navy’s vaunted triple option offense. Lotta running. Lotta pitching. Lotta hoekus poekus! On the other side, you got Murland, which is, how should I put this, a legitimate D-1 football program.
Hey, I’m not hatin’ on Navy. They knoe this, man. They knoe it! Otherwise, why institute the razzul-dazzul? It’s like the little skinny kid in school who learns karate. It’s impressive, it’s flashy, maybe it levels the field a little. But at the end of the day, he’s still the little skinny kid.
Noe wun — NOE WUN — supports the troops more than me. But with football, being a militurry schoowul makes recrooting a real challenge. Navy knoes that. And heck, I did some research, right, and the average weight of their starting oe-lineman is 268 pounds. And that’s rounding up. For Murland, it’s 298. That says it all.
But still, they’re a good football team. Quarterback Ricky Dobbs is the best player they’ve had, at any position, since Roger Staubach. That was a long time agoe. So they’ll win some games in 2010. Just not this one. The Murland linebackers excel at stopping the run. They’ll stay disciplined and they’ll contain the triple option.
On the other side, Navy lost three linebackers and are also undersized. You should be able to run on ‘em. And loe and behowuld, Murland’s got some good backs back there. And a questionable Oe-line should be able to have success against Navy’s smaller 3-4 set.
So there yoo goe. Ryan, how bout another Natty Boe? It’s five o’clock somewhere, buddy. And I didn’t take time off to drink wooder. It’s gonna be a great game Monday, but the edge goes to Murland. GOE TURPS!
Prediction: Maryland 24, Navy 14.




















